Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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