On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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