dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
