He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
home. puking in laundry basket.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
