I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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