For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
