Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
