K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found your dick twin last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
