dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you traded sex for a burrito?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
