Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
