i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
