some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's blow job season.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
