Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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