Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
