i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
