i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
