also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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