Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
