WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
