His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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