Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
