TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
