So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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