oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
