the condom got lost in my hair
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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