No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
