thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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