its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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