We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
