Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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