OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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