On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
a search helicopter?!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
