Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
