trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
