I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
