dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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