There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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