he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
