im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
