last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
