like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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