Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
