she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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