your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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