Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
