just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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