Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
