weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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