it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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