You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
