I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
