sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
