Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
