He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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