Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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