Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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