So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
