I think I won the penis lottery.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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