All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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