you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
