Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
