Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
