yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
