I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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