Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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