Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
