dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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