sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
