I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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