dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
