Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
