im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
