Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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