I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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