somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
