Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
