Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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