haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
