Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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