McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
