Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
