Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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